My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
