So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
