i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
