My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
