I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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