Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
