And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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