Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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