I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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