we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
