I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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