Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
