I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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