I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
