I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
