So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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