And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
