She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The air taste purple.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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