How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize