Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
