I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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