Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I didn't notice because vodka
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
