i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
FUCK WHALES
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