I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize