Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
