Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
