there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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