just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
