I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
