can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just googled if crying burns calories
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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