It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize