I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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