I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize