Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
