if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
