I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
