I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
