last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
