man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
