As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
