is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
