I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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