I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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