My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
