im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I didn't notice because vodka
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize