You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
