it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
