Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
