i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
