Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
