i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
