I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
