Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
