Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
