You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
send nudes
from the living room?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
