I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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