I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
