everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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