we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
