Already got asked if we're dating
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
