Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
