Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize