do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
