my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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