i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
