dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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