I wish I only lived at night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
