i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
